Today

Here we are again a March 23! Jackson Connor Castleman would be 8 years old today! I can't believe it has been 8 years, especially when every detail of my pregnancy and his birth is still so real and fresh to me. I am blessed beyond measure by Michal Kate, Noah, Jack, Emorie, and Elijah but will always feel that Jackson is missing. For those of you that know when I am playing with the kids and it is time to go I playfully call out "Yip, Yo, Jo, Flo, Mo, let's go out the door" so he is my Doe in that sentence! Jackson is missed. I have pictures of Jackson, but in all honesty, they aren't pretty, and not ones that I feel I can post here. So let me paint the one I carry in my head for you. Jackson is around 2 and looks a lot like my boys! (Shock there I know) There is a field with a white log fence going around it. In the field there is the softest, greenest, flowing grass blowing in a light breeze. Colorful kites and bubbles flowing all through the air as far as you can see. There is the sweet sound of children laughing continuously. In the center there is a simple playgound. With a picnic area off to the side. On the playground there is a yellow slide with red steps. At the top is my Papa King and at the bottom my Nini Savage with my Papa Savage and Grandmother King close by watching and smiling. Papa King is releasing a happy, HEALTHY Jackson down the slide and Nini Savage is catching him and spinning him around in the air. Over and Over again! At the table in the picnic area is Jesus smiling and holding little children in is lap and telling them to look down and smile because those are their parents and how much we loved them.
Think what you want, but this picture in my mind NEVER changes. God is good and I believe he has given me this picture. The laughter there never turns to crying, the breeze never stops blowing and Jesus never stops smiling and loving our babies.
Instead of a party, as I do every year, I invite you to pray today. Pray for the parents that, at any point in their pregnancy, lost a baby. That became so real to me that whether 1 week pregnant or 40 it is your baby! I pray for all those that are expecting as well. Pray for those that are going to be told that their child will not live. I also pray for those carrying precious little ones inside them today for me it is Brooke, Larissa, Marie, and Rebekah. Thank you for being a part of today. I know there is someone around you or you yourself that has a moment like this that they will never forget! Pray today. Hug your kids a little longer. Take a deep breath and smile!
Love to you all and blessings today on my baby's 8th birthday!