Today was a little bitter sweet though. Normally today, I would send out a mass email, instead I am doing this blog and emailing everyone telling you to check the blog. Today would mark our Jackson's 5th birthday. It is so hard to believe that it has been 5 years. For some reason it seems to have hit me harder this year than others, but I covered those feelings up until tonight when some sweet ladies at church prayed with me. It isn't anger I feel, it is sorrow. I miss him. I only knew him from inside my womb, but I miss him. It is hard to know that my kids will never know their older brother, and as I look at the three wonderful blessing God has given us in Michal Kate, Noah, and Jack, I still miss the one who isn't here. So once again I urge you to take time today to pray for all the families that have lost a child at any stage of pregnancy or infancy. Pray for those that are being told they will loose their babies, pray for healing and comfort as that time is hard. It was only 6 weeks for us, but even looking back on it, it felt a lot longer. I am so thankful for God's love and comfort as we went through that time, and the relationship I built with him during that time. For the first time in my life I felt like I truly had a personal relationship with my Father. We talked and I listened, I told Him exactly what I felt, not holding anything back and He held me. Pray for those who are expecting, even the healthiest of babies that the pregnancy will continue and mommy and baby will be healthy and fine. I am especially mindful of my friends who are expecting, Barie, Stephanie, Tandi, RaeLynn, and Evelyn.
This year we finally bought Jackson's headstone. It was another one of those things I never wanted to do but knew we needed to so I took a picture when we went to visit on Christmas day.
For some reason this saying, from his scrapbook, kept coming to me and these verses that I talked with mom about last night and I don't even think she knew that I was processing them...
Deuteronomy 29:29
29 The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
and this saying...
Heaven Will Hold You
Your spirit was brought to us from a wish made of love.
We couldn't believe it when we realized we'd been blessed from above
In my womb you were growing slowly, but I found peace knowing you were there.
Then came the tears of loss wand I wanted to know how life could be so unfair.
I had to realize that because you were so special, God needed you more than I.
It helps me when I feel His loving hands wipe away my tears as I cry.
I know that someday we'll be together again, but for now I'll keep you in my heart.
Know that I love you more than words can say and that God will protect you while we're apart.
by wendy silva
Love you all, I hope you had a blessed Easter Sunday.
6 comments:
Dana, I just spent some time praying for you and your sweet family. It was also a good reminder to pray for all of the expectant ladies I know - there are at least 15 of them in our church family right now :) Love you!
Thinking of you, praying for you, hugging you from afar, and loving you all very much. You are each never far from our thoughts.
Prayers, Prayers, Prayers. I still hold you close in my heart every time I hear someone mention loosing their baby. The courage that you had to pick up, move on and try again, is heroic to me. One of the strongest women I know. We will be praying for baby Jackson, you, your family, and many of women that have had to face this road. XOXOXOXOX
Dearest Dana,
There's always a hole in our souls when family members and friends leave this world we know so well. I long to know more about the believer's world to come. This very day, one of our moms at the childcare lost her 3rd child at 5 months. Listening to the dad's thick voice as he explained why his older boys would not be at school this week was enough to break one's heart. May God continue to show you mercy and provide His gracious comfort.
Love you,
Sandy
Dana, I am sorry I am late, but it shouldn't surprise you much as it is me. I love you and your family so very much. My prayers are always with you ahd I will definitely be praying for those that I know are expecting. I have a verse that I like and that always comforts me when I am hurting from a loss...I have never experienced what you did, but I hope it helps you some: James 1:12. I love you, Lezli
Dana, I am sorry it has taken me so long to post a comment but as you know this is my first experience with a blogspot. Your blog is beautiful done and the photographs of the children are precious.
You have been in my thoughts and prayers since you sent the link. I admire your strength and courage.
Mariam
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