Today

I don't think I can even begin to put into words what I am thinking and feeling today. But as I do once a year, I will try. I am overjoyed at the 4 precious blessings God as given Richard and I in our children. Each of them is unique and very special in so many ways. In the same breath, I can go back to this day 7 years ago and the hurt is as fresh as it was there for that child that beyond his kicking and flipping in my womb, I don't really know. I guess I thought after 7 years that would fade at least a little, but each moment is as real to me now as it was then. Yet, I know him in ways that I never imagined...Jackson was a fighter, he made it several weeks longer than any of the doctors ever thought. He was tender. Of all the kids, his kicks were honestly more like little love pats, just reminding me that he was there. He was ahead of the game. Most women don't feel their babies move inside them until 18 or more weeks along. Not Jackson, he started moving and I was feeling him at just 14 weeks, which now after the other babies, I know was crazy! So much like my other 4 children Jackson was unique and special in many ways too. This year has been crazy for me in regards to Jackson. Richard started a program that meets at our church called Celebrate Recovery. This goes on all across the nation and is an amazing program, basically a 12 step group based on Christian principles. Honestly, I started attending just because Richard was heading it up but God definitely wanted me there. I have learned more about myself and my walk through losing Jackson than I ever thought possible. God is going to use my story at some point to do something for someone else, I don't know when, or how, just I know that all things are for His Glory. Like all babies, Jackson had a purpose in this world, and as parents, we may never know what this purpose is but that God will use him. SOOOOO>>>>>
Like every year, instead of a birthday party, I invite you to join us in praying for anyone you know that has lost a baby at any point in their pregnancy, anyone you know that has had a stillborn. Pray for those being told that their babies, born or not, will not survive. For those who are unable to conceive. I want to add this year all those who are adopting or praying about adoption and all the ladies you know who are expecting at this time. For us that is Erin, Katie, Carly, Crystal, Kaylee, Paula, Angie(who I don't really know but whose blog has touched me so much and I encourage you to read it too, http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com). Let's celebrate God's amazing creation in babies! I have never been more amazed than looking at my children and realizing how incredible it is that they are even here!
Again, thanks for putting up with my blabbering! Blessings to you all, and Happy birthday Jackson Connor Castleman!